Surprises. Gotta love them. I mean, they come from out of the blue, they’re unexpected and usually are pretty great. But there is one kind of situation in which this does not apply; sex.
I have never been successful in this surprise category. EVER. On the other hand, it does tend to catch the other party off guard, and sometimes (devastatingly so) red handed with someone else. But other than that, it usually doesn’t turnout as you would imagine, or like the sexy movies of James Bond, Marilyn Monroe, and other “Smooth Operators.”
The Trench Coat Surprise
I was seeing this guy for some time, and thought it would be fun to spice things up. I mean, he was the kind of guy that really let you know how he felt; take you in his arms, swoop you up the stairs kind-a-guy, so who better than him to try this out with? And by ‘this’ I mean: Nothing but lingerie and heals (you know, the works, garter belt and all), all neatly covered by a classy long trench coat.
I felt that this was not really my style. I’m a sweet kind of girl, so I thought I should throw a cupcake to boot. I mean, if for some reason or other the lingerie didn’t work I had the cupcake… and men love food.
I had the trench coat.
I had the Lingerie.
I had the heels.
And I had the cupcake.
… And I had problems.
He lived in an apartment building, the ones with security on the outside notifying the person who lived there that they had someone coming up to see them. I had to call him ahead of time and tell him, “I’m coming over to see you and I’m going to need you to be alone in your apartment (he had a roommate) ” this no longer a full fledged surprise, but a half surprise.
Next problem: Dressing as light as possible so that I can strip down in the elevator (he lived on the 14th floor) and put my clothes in a purse. Little did I foresee the chance that I might actually have company in the elevator… which I did. Midway through taking my pants off, someone comes in. Luckily I had the long trench coat to cover me. I’m sure he was utterly confused as I had a cupcake in my hands rather than handcuffs or a whip.
Next obstacle: Knocking on the door. I stood in the hallway for about 1 minute. I could hear him yelling at his roommate to go to his room and stay there. I had made it this far, and was probably caught on tape in the elevator, all I needed now was for a neighbors to see me.
He opened the door and quickly, and without missing a beat took me in with one arm and swooped me inside. He gave me a dipping kiss and then saw the cupcake. Needless to say both the cupcake and I were both welcomed with much happiness.
Cost of Trench Coat Surprise: Well, I’m pretty sure someone out there is probably playing that video of me stripping in the elevator for a good time.
Side note: These shenanigans were done in my careless youth… and by youth I mean mid twenties.