Painting: Early art depicting a woman clearly over the fact that she can’t even open a book without finding a crudely drawn dick in it.
I am a young thirty-five (yeah, that’s right, I wrote it. Suck on that ageism) and I don’t know what the hell guys are thinking when they send those pictures, the dick pics. At this point, they are laughable dick-pics! Let’s get some things clear. I have said this before, I know I have, but men, you need to stop. JUST STOP. Unless it is explicitly asked for, DON’T. Don’t nobody wanna see that thing (read that with the attitude of a pissed of Latin woman. Maybe Sofia Vergara). What makes you think that we want to see that, and ONLY that?! We like what pleasure we can get from it, and more importantly (maybe at this age) the person it’s attached to. However, we do not just like to see your manscaped/non-manscaped member on our phone’s pristine 6.4″ Quad HD+ Dynamic AMOLED Infinity Display, it doesn’t help you (yeah, it’s a Samsung S10+).
Let’s go down the list, and should you answer yes to any of them, then sure, go ahead and send it.
- Did she ask for it?
- Is there a relationship contract that specifically denotes the need for such a dick-pic? Make sure you ask about the periodicity of which said pic is to be sent.
- Did your doctor ask for it because you fear your dick is about to fall off?
- Is your dick about to be chopped off and then your phone destroyed, and therefore you must preserve the memory of “Princess Sofia” or whatever other names you so fondly gave it?
If you answered yes, to any of these, then as I prefaced before, go ahead and send it.
Just like guys have things they don’t like on a girl, like moles, or cleft chins (I’m just naming things. If you have any of those things, own it! You’re beautiful, don’t let anybody else tell you otherwise, EVER), we too have things we are particular about. For instance, after much discussion with my girl friends, we have come to agree all around that a very veiny schlong isn’t going to send us to the nearest Uber and your doorstep ready to fulfill your every desire.
If you want to rile up that woman in your life then do them a favor (and please pass it on to your male friends too), cook some dinner, wear a suit, you have no idea how sexy it is to see a man in a nice suit, candles and a bath bomb will also do the trick. After that, the likelihood that she’ll want to see and play with your ever so photogenic member will increase by 80%. We like you for you, the other part is just the icing on the cake. A very particular kind of icing that every girl chooses with the utmost diligence.