We have all been in some way or form rejected, refused, or denied (all meaning the same thing). It comes in all emotional shapes and sizes; from small ones: Didn’t get the toy I wanted, to big ones: not accepted to your university of choice or being having a proposal to your significant other end with a “no” instead of a “yes”.
These are all experiences, maybe they don’t draw up the best memories from them, but none the less they are experiences, an the importance of an experience is that you should find a way to learn from them. Since this is an experience that usually results in a frown, tears, anger, or even a broken heart, there ways to make this experience not, what’s a good word here… oh hell, let’s just say it, suck.
Social rejections: Dating, marriage, and everything in between.
- Face to Face– Have you heard of the expression “lose face”? Well, how about you not “lose face” and tell the person personally that you don’t wish to go out with them. Or that you only like them as a friend. Getting a notice by e-mail that your wife is leaving you and wants a divorce is NOT okay. This happened to a friend of mine…actually a couple of them, and I cannot begin to tell you how awful and deep those emotional scars can be. Man up, get yourself together and confront this without your smartphone,computer, or patsy, rather do this in person.
- Be honest– I have to wash my hair, I have a boyfriend, and the ever famous- it’s not you, it’s me. These are all lies! Do you really think that people are that naive? We have evolved somewhat in the last 50 years, and thanks to the endless romantic comedies we can spot a lie a mile away. Be honest, any person deserves that. If you like the person and like to sleep with them, but don’t like them enough to date? TELL him/her. Don’t lead on, and don’t be mean. This all gets filed away in their memories.
- Tone is EVERYTHING– “I’m sorry, I just don’t feel that way for you. But I’d like to remain friends…” not, “NO! What even made you ask?!” Remember that being sincere and compassionate goes a long way, so it’s only natural that your “No” is a pleasant one, not a sarcastic cruel, stomp on their heart kind of “No”. Capish? Good.
When it comes to other matters of rejection that are work related or professional in nature, there too is a way to say no.
- Choose the right words– Remember my little snippet on tone? Well, consider this your tone. The right words make everything, especially since most business is done over e-mail or regular mail, people really have to interpret they way you say things. Make it meaningful, it takes guts to apply to a position you don’t have the experience for but know you can kick ass in. Moreover, it takes a lot of work, time, and personal growth to apply to a university… it’s their future. With all of that in mind, make sure to address it as consciously as possible, imagine you are face to face.
- Don’t give a generic response– When that person came to you for an interview and they follow-up, don’t pass on a generic response, add some of yourself in there. Remember you are human and so are they.
- Pony Express goes a long way, more so when YOU sign it personally (in situations where you are waiting for an acceptance to school per se)– Like in any romantic relationship texting can really kill everything. E-mailing in the professional world is like texting to romantic relationship. This means that it is really heartbreaking to just get a generic response but adding to insult it’s an e-mail. Where was the personal touch? Getting a letter by mail shows effort, and signing it (not electronically!) is also a sign of personal touch.
These are just a couple of things to try and keep in mind when you are about to say “no” to someone. Let’s try and make a not so happy memory a better one. Besides, now a days people are more and more psychotic so it’s in your best interest to be kind.