Happy Hump Day every one! We are halfway through the week, and I am just too excited for the weekend to be upon us again (in reality, who isn’t?!). But as I promised, here is part two of my crisis with men and the balls that come attached to them (or maybe in some cases vice-versa). I welcome you to laugh at the my misfortune, because I laugh at them all the time (I have learned a lot from them).
The Balls that Saved the Day!
We all have those guys we looked up to in high school; good looking, a couple of grades higher than you, and popular. I had such a friend, and it’s funny how sometimes you stay in touch with some of those people throughout the years, personally I don’t stay in touch with many. This friend of mine lived in Chicago, and worked for a big prestigious bank. He did a lot of traveling, and from time to time would wonder back to his old neck of the woods, Miami, and call me up to catch up.
The usual call from my friend comes by and we set a time and date to meet. We went to an incredibly nice restaurant where I could for the first time tell he was trying to seduce ME! We had a pretty good friendship, and I honestly thought there would really be no harm to partake in any adult like activities with a guy I use to have a crush on in high school.
After the delicious meal (side note-ladies, if you ever think you might head out to have some ‘one on one’ time with your guy, don’t eat too much, it really can make you feel like a boa constrictor who just swallowed an antelope) we head over to his hotel, he was as cool as the Sean Connery in his 007 days. Unfortunately this suave individual only lasted till we reached the door.
It was a complete 180 degree turn from that point on. The very sure, assertive man with the 007 persona was gone… I was left with a 17 year old boy (which he was far from) trapped in a man’s body. He was sloppy as we made our way to the bed. I was starting to rethink my whole decision to add another notch to my bed post, when all of a sudden…
Guy- “Oh GOD!!” He grabs/cups his balls in an agonizing way.
I look up. Did I subconsciously kick him in the balls? He is now hunching over in pain.
Nope, I sure didn’t do that. I tried to keep from laughing, apparently there was a ghost who thought my honor should be defended at this point too.
Guy- ” I can’t… it hurts”
I see him now moving away from the bed towards the bathroom, but before he gets there he stops by my sweater which had been flung to the floor in his hasty 17 year old manner. After a short couple of seconds he runs to the bathroom. This was my time! I put on my shirt and shoes and just as I was about to head for my sweater on the floor and get the hell out of there he comes out of the bathroom.
Guy- “My balls are in hurting me… they hurt so much… I don’t think I am going to be…” He is still cupping his balls.
Me- “Oh… well, don’t worry. I am sorry to hear about your balls… I’ll just get my stuff… thanks for dinner!” I rushed out of there. I threw my purse and sweater on the passenger seat of my car, when all of a sudden I feel something on my sweater…
I unfold it to find that that bastard had for a lack of better way to put it, cum all over my sweater! I had bought that sweater specially for tonight, the poor thing didn’t even have 24 hours with me, and now it was ruined.
I called my girlfriend laughing and a bit upset at the loss of my sweater. But I am grateful for his “balls being in pain” (looks to me the boy was too excited and left the evidence unknowingly on my sweater). I would have had to ran out of there another way if it hadn’t been for them. Great team work!
Sorry! Hands OFF!
I dated this guy accidentally. I say accidentally because I don’t remember how I even began making out with the kid, and then I felt sorry since he seemed to really like me to break it off with “I think I drank too much that night, sorry.”
After a while of dating things got physical and I started to like the kid ( I don’t know why I call him ‘kid’, he wasn’t a kid, but anyhow). He was sweet and he could cook! I can’t cook and this kid could and had a family that owned a restaurant to boot, so cooking was in his blood.
I don’t know how else to put this but I will try my best. As sweet and attentive as this kid was, he had problems in that department. As long my hands came no where near his package he was able to perform. This was actually funny for me, and would sometimes just wonder down there and watch his incompetence appear. It was like a flower wilting. I don’t know how else to put it. This relationship didn’t last very long, it had a couple of kinks that were not just in the bedroom.
Besides, the fact that he seemed to have faulty like equipment made me feel like it was just me, and I can’t have that on my mind.
Have a wonderful Wednesday~ 😀