I think I have reached my limit on meaningless hook-ups. What do I consider a hook-up? Well, in todays society a hook-up can constitute when two people get together and have consent in adult like activities with one another, or even just kissing and reaching third base without being called “out!” A couple of days ago, my friend was asking me if he would ever find another girl he would so passionately love as he did with her. I am confident that he will. When I tell him that he will find someone much better he interrupts me and says that he isn’t worried about finding someone who will love him, rather someone that he loves more than her.
This made me think… I don’t know if I could say the same. My friend has been very fortunate in his life when it comes to love. I say fortunate, but I feel like he just takes it for granted. You see, he has had someone to love, and that person has loved him back, more than once… I on the other hand have said the “I love you” twice and have had zero return on that.. bad investment? I don’t think so, I don’t regret letting someone know how I feel, besides, it sure clears up any “what if’s” that might creep late at night after watching a romantic movie. But then again, I have only me to blame for my zero return on this (because let’s be honest, no strange man is going to come up to me and say “I loved you from the moment I saw you running with your hair all over the place”).
My history of men could really be compiled as short stories of humor, and cautionary tales. The two men I have loved (even now, funny enough, I question whether I loved them… I guess it’s hard to think about, since they didn’t feel the same way) were really pieces of work, but I have faith (I have no religion, but I do have faith) that I will find someone who I will feel the same way that I felt about them… in certain respects.
So it brings me to the big revelation, NO MORE MEANINGLESS HOOK-UPS. Sure they are fun, and a great way to pass the time, but I don’t get anything meaningful from them. The best way I can describe it is like this: I carry my heart in a box with me, I’m holding my heart in that box the entire time I am with that person, it is heavy and after I leave the man I am tired and still have no one to hold my heart for me.
If I could somehow alleviate some of my emotions with someone and have that connection, I could see it working. I suppose that is what love is? So here it is, no more sex. No more sex till I get that “I love you” in a romantic way, not in the way which you say “I love you cheesecake”. I am way behind in my social development when it comes to this, so I am here to try and fix it. I hope I can keep this… when I was a Catholic I gave up sex and wine for Lent… that lasted 3 days. I lost both at the same time….best sex to date though.