Monday I celebrated my friends 23rd birthday. Janine is one of the sweetest, funniest and genuine girls I know. We work athletic events together and is one of my few friends I go to vent to and vice versa when it comes to men. Last week during baseball she turned to me and with a frustrated trapped looked on her face said “I need to get out of here, I need to change this scene.” I was taken back, we usually start the day with a healthy dose of ‘look at the cute butt!’ of the other team’s players.
Me: What’s going on? Do you mean you want to leave Miami?
Janine: Yeah, I just need to get out of here… I’m over men.
Now I can understand that we have all been there, that moment where we wonder why men are still walking among us, and there must be another option to men. Women? These of course are moments of desperation and immediate relieve seems impossible, so much so that geographical escape is logically the only reasonable solution.
The problem is that Janine is very much into a guy who has a girlfriend. They’ve been fooling around for over a year and he just doesn’t drop either one. That doesn’t make sense to her, but unfortunately it makes sense to me. Why would a guy leave his girlfriend when apparently this arrangement has been going on for over a year and it hasn’t bothered her yet. Men like that reassurance, that safety, the back-up. I’ve been there, the girl who was the back-up, waiting for the guy to commit to me. He was unfortunately not thinking of committing solely to me and kept me at bay when one of his other priority females fell through.
I know better (through experience, and the same old stories from my other girlfriends) that this guy or any other guy is never going to leave his girlfriend, and if by divine intervention that relationship dissolves he will not only keep you firmly in place but play the field.
The main thing I have learned about men is that when they want something, they find a way of making it happen. If that man wants to take you out, he will find a way of getting you to say ‘yes’. Men will rearrange their day to make room for you, when it’s good for you. Making excuses as to why he hasn’t left his girlfriend, returned your calls, or made time to see you (when he apparently has time to play a video game and go drinking with his friends) is only lowering your self-esteem and self worth. This goes the other way around too! Women won’t necessarily stalk you (if they do, I recommend you run and don’t look back) but will show interest back and make time for you if they too are interested.
I reminded Janine, that she doesn’t have to pick-up that phone. The phone is there for YOUR convenience, not his. If he wants to see you or needs to talk to you and you’re busy, don’t pick-up. He is nothing of yours. He can call his girlfriend.
I don’t want my dear friend to waste anymore of her time on a guy who obviously is taking his cake and eating it too, probably with another cupcake from the sound of it.
So ladies, let’s recap: Men will do whatever it takes to get with the one person they want. Don’t devalue yourself by sticking around someone who clearly has his interests scattered all over the tristate area, and calls when he needs some sort of release. And here is a little secret; this guy probably has some serious self confidence issues (very unattractive), and nobody has time for that.